The bridge becomes a ruined water wheel

leading a herd of cows
over a river
following a guide
I do not trust
we come to a bridge
broken down
rope with wood slats
I am trying
to get one poor cow
to finally cross over
in the middle
the bridge becomes a ruined water wheel
the cow sort of plops down
over it painfully
it slowly turns
to drop him
on the other side
I walk down to the river
sidestepping the waterwheel
there is a hobble horse there
who has been spooked
by the cattle
I untie his fetters
and feel
such a sense'
of love and relief

as I lay on the pallet / bed
I have made for myself
on the floor of my parents home
I think about a knife in the spine
then a knife in the heart
causing excruciating pain
however, because of how it is placed
to remove it
would kill me