The taste of lighting in my mouth

an old man
dreams of youth
how he once stood
before the gates of knowledge
on a beach facing the ocean
imagining all the worlds
that were out there
waiting for him
remembering that hunger
to know the truth
this bright and shining thing
the old man laughs
coughs and sits up
elbows on his knees
head hanging down
jesus he thinks
how I used to believe
in poetry
those first readings of
Keats, Wordsworth, Shelley and Coleridge
I gave them my soul
trusted them entirely
there in Rome
kneeling at Keat's grave
while a young girl stood by
mocking
her words like stones in the water
and the years that followed
open and raw to the entire Universe
exposed and vulnerable
reading Katzanzakis in the desert
the taste of lighting in my mouth
then there is the return
the jobs, the hours, the paycheck
the sad artificial desire to recreate
the ecstasies of youth
the excesses of middle age
alcohol, empty sex, drugs, despair
the old man rises
with a grunt
stumbles towards the light
then stops
through one window
the moon
and remembers a vow from youth
about poetry and truth
and when he was old
the man realizing that he is at that place
naked in the moonlight
alone
through it all
the poetry
has remained
the taste of lightning in my mouth

met God

met God

The monkey is pretending

taking care of a small animal
a type of highly intelligent monkey
thinking that it was my mother
who asked me to look after it
but that's not true
seems like there was a great wreck
where I saved the monkey's life
the monkey becomes irritated
starts trying to bite me
I keep holding it in a way
with my hands around its neck
so that it cannot get its teeth into me
but it is still able to  scrape and claw at me
go into a house
my family house from the fairy tale streets
in the kitchen
throw the monkey down
dealing with other matters
that seem  more important
will find the monkey later
then  after some time
go to find him
calling sweetly
see glimpses of him
shadows and quick traces
as he runs around
inside the old family house in the woods
in my grandmother's bathroom
morphing into my mother's dressing room
abandoned now
believe I  have trapped the monkey inside
but see there is a hole in a skylight
that I do not remember
the monkey has crawled outside
can see him indistinctly through the frosted glass
I pretend to be upset
in hopes that the monkey
will become curious
wander back in to see if I am ok
a figure falls down through the skylight
I grab it
believing it to be the monkey
but the monkey has handed me
a sort of furry horned toad
that is poisonous
trying to bite me
again I am holding it
close to its neck to that it cannot get at me
now I am mad at the monkey
throw the horned toad creature down
follow the monkey
back into an abandoned bedroom
there are signs that he has been eating
other animals
I think I see him
try to corner him in the room
but it is a tiny polar bear
with a disproportionately small head
looks like a furry ferocious beetle
tries to kill me
I get the polar bear outside
finally catch the monkey
who is now completely docile
keeps wanting to cuddle
up against my neck
but I know
the monkey is pretending
and will kill and eat me
at the first opportunity
suddenly
I realize something
about my waking life
and I awaken

there is only one way
everything that is wrong
will make sense
I had always suspected it
and now
almost a year later
know it to be true
it is like waking
from a powerful spell
that has been cast upon me