Now the food is cold and the wine is warm

at a taco stand
picking up lunch
for JGM and myself
J is not there
is on her way
standing in line
bantering with the people
in the trailer
three girls are chattering
flirting with me
I ask the woman
in the trailer
how much the white wine costs
she tells me
it's a dollar a cup
I say I could buy
the whole place a round
the girls laugh
I see JGM pass by
she nods at me
smiles and moves on
I get the food to go
and two plastic cups
of white wine
which I carry
with my fingers
inside the cups
I go to an old bookstore
no longer any books there
a drug dealer
from the Hole is there
he asks me to get some wood
I find a few 2x4s
but they are too long
I try to break them in half
by postitioning them
against the brick wall
but can't do it
the drug dealer
says it doesn't matter
and I am thinking
about all the time
I have wasted
trying to help him
and now the food is cold
and the wine is warm

later
I am at
the final europa bookstore space
on guadalupe
the door is open
and books are on the shelves
but no one is around
I go to where the bathroom
used to be
but it is an empty room
with sealed off fixtures
I walk around
to the back of the space
there is a new office room
I can see LB
working on his computer
he doesn't see me
I return to the front
and realize
it no longer matters
if anyone were to steal
any of these books

The shoe with the open toe and the hole in the sole

up in the sky
there with my mother
my sister and others
complicated family drama
accusations of elitism
my mother is laughing
has a U shaped device
a gun or disabling weapon
lays on her back
as if she were in a boat
floating above the clouds
points the U gun up to the sky
but the U makes the projectiles
shoot down to earth
she takes aim at a wealthy man
archetypal Mr Monopoly
top hat and tails with cane
when he is shot
there is a dimensional explosion
as if the world were black and white
and erupted into color
but the world is color
and it erupts in a higher value of forms
the wealthy man is transformed
into a bum
same wardrobe only beaten down
but he is much happier now
I recognize my grandfather
or one of his brothers
also the tramp statue
at my grandparent's house
the bum on the park bench
with a loaf of bread
feeding the birds
a benevolent Franciscan smile
the shoe with the open toe
and the hole in the sole

I wonder for a moment where that woman went

in Austin
the house
not known to me
of a woman I used to love
walk in
to the kitchen
guy from B'Ham there
washing dishes
was never really friends
with him
he tells me
one hand on my shoulder
friendly like
he fucked my ex
it bothers me
but I don't act like it does
she comes home
surprised to see me there
avoiding me
her son is there
I am a ghost to them
she is unloading groceries
I am out back
there is a shed
or a storage locker
I am trying to unlock
the lock is intricate
doesn't use a key
some elaborate combination
I am unable to figure it out
she comes out
asks what I am doing
clearly doesn't want me there
it seems important
to get the lock open
some lucid dreaming here
to get the lock open
before the dream ends
she laughs at me
says I'll never unlock it
that it's what I deserve
I have to agree
but I don't say anything to her
I understand she's just a distraction
created by the dream
to keep me from working
on the lock
I ignore her
the lock
is a sphere
a compass
with an elaborate sextant
a gyroscope
gears within gears
and I realize
I am suddenly
inside the lock
I wonder
for a moment
where that woman went
and I lose it all
the dream dissolves
and I awake

Situation with this idiotic woman

on a boat
with a couple
I knew from Bellingham
the husband and I
are on the boat
touring around a bay
rocky cliffs
with a stretch of beach
the wife is on
a strange motorized surfboard
that glides underwater
I am surprised at her agility
she is using a device
that allows her to see underwater
and take photos
it is entirely white
looks military
nautical
we are watching her
from the boat
as she effortlessly glides
close to the rocky cliffs
and around rocks
all while she is
using the underwater viewer


Earlier:

I was in
a junky convenience store
plastic booths
plastic everything
uncleaned areas
trash
I sitting at a booth
watching TV
mostly just wanting
to eat in peace
a woman comes up
feral face
unkempt appearance
asks if she can sit
on the other side of the booth
there are other open seats
I tell her
I would like to be alone
she starts to sit down
opposite of me
frustrated
I get up to move
I turn my back
for a moment
and my wallet and phone
are on the table
when I turn back
I notice quick movement
from the woman
my wallet is gone
I tell her
I know you just stole my wallet
she acts as if
she doesn't hear me
I ask her to give me my wallet
she ignores me
I know without a doubt
you have it
again no response
I am aware
I am dreaming
think
this is exasperating
I don't want to dream this
situation
with this idiotic woman
and I wake up

I’m laughing about those girls' question about the devil

waiting in a field
an abandoned amusement park
or the site of a bygone world's fair
preparing for a concert
working for the promoters
who seem old old friends
waiting for people to arrive
they are worried no one will show
finally
the crowds trickle in
but older
average people
lawn chairs and beet coolers
buckets of chicken potato salad
the Dallas summer blanket crowds
then I am on a pair of skis
magical skateboard like
moving with amazing ease
through all the people
milling about like cattle
I know others are watching me ski
over dry ground
down broken concrete steps
gliding past obstacles
around and through crowds
all with an inteoxicating freedom
an old friend from work
is around somewhere
frustrated on the ground
another former business associate
is there
I wave casually as I flash by
other people
I am no longer friends with
I can easily move uphill
tracing long graceful effortless arcs
through the dirt and leaves
over water
go up to the bathroom
walking with skis
awkward as an albatross
underneath bleachers
tile floors
a labyrinthine entrance
have to squeeze through
narrow openings
thinking all the old people
will have a hard time
getting back here
there’s only a place for men to pee
out in the open
men and women
milling about
some teenagers want to talk to me
I’m skiing slowly
around crowd
a few middle aged men
try to get in front of me
I’m able to easily
move around them
outside again
more people have shown up
I learn Mary F is here
but don’t see her
skiing around dead leaves
moving further away
from everyone
in another part
of the abandoned park
flooded with water
aquamarine like six flags
places designed for intentional flooding
tiles and submerged fountains
still skiing along below water
the young girls again
stop me want to talk
I am reluctant
say one of them wants to talk to me
I say later
say it’s a quick question
meanwhile an obnoxious
middle aged man is swimming below us
a creep looking at girls
underwater
they say one of them
wants to know what it’s like
to have sold your soul to Satan
I say it’s complex
says one of them
wants to
but is too shy to talk to me
are there any downsides?
I say
there are serious issues
with materialism and desire
they giggle
flirting
the creepy man surfaces
tells the girls
they are going somewhere else
I realize he’s their dad
I want to explain
I have no desire
for the girls
move away
in a junkyard area of the park
momentarily alarmed
that I’ve stepped out of my skis
but see them nearby
find a broken
electric guitar
the neck and fragments
of a yellow Bakelite body
fretboard is odd
frets increase closer to tuning pegs
the guitar is curved
like a sword
or the crescent moon
rainbow fractals
I wonder if it’s playable
thinking someone would buy it
since it was played at Woodstock
look around for more Woodstock memorabilia
keep checking on the skis
as if they are magic shoes
I’m laughing about
those girls' question
about the devil
wondering if I should’ve
answered differently

I will be utterly emptied of all of my dreams

down and out in Austin
wandering around the drag
working to gather enough money
for a cup of coffee
see an ad
we will pay
you for your dreams
similar to those ads
for blood or sperm
or to participate in a medical study
I figure
why not
head over to the place
near I35 and 29th
area around Star Seeds
the woman in front
has me fill out forms
tells me
we can only pay
for real dreams
deep sleep dreams
if you are unable
to go into a deep sleep state
then you will not be paid
takes me into a large dim room
low blue light
smell of tech
huge sound studio baffles
hang from the ceiling and walls
cool temp
there are about 50 beds
arranged in a circle
around a center of sophisticated computers
bundles of wires
run from the center
to each bed
IV bags hang over the beds
she takes me to an empty bed
tells me to lie down
places a crown of wet recptors
on my head
hooks up an IV
a light sedative
we cannot interfere with deep sleep
we need you to descend
into the deepest sleep
I lay down
than I am awake
I remember nothing
of my dreams
I feel as if I haven't slept at all
she tells me
that is normal
they have collected
my deep sleep dreams
and therefore
my brain believes
it never went to sleep
and gained none of the benefits
from deep sleep
she gives me some money
says I can come back in three days
but not sooner
I am very tired
wandering around town
in a daze
try to sleep
in the library
but it is as if
all my "sleep juice"
is gone
I return to the lab
after three restless days
go through the process again
again they collect all my dreams
after
I am more tired than before
I tell this to the woman
she recommends
I wait a while longer
to let my body
"regenerate the fluids
necessary for sleep"
it is similar to giving blood
she tells me
it takes a while
to rebuild your reserves
I feel so sleep depreived
I am hallucinating
dreaming while awake
but not the deep sleep dreams
I can lay down
close my eyes
but I can only rest
not truly sleep
I find out the company
sells my dreams
to wealthy clients
it is part of a new health regimine
the more deep sleep dreams
you have
the less likely it is
you will suffer from any
forms of dementia
and your own memory
will be strengthened
it is highly addictive however
more and more
wealthy clients pay
large sums of money
for the finest deep sleep dreams
it turns out my dreams
are excellent and the clients
are asking for more
when I return to the lab
the woman takes me into a private room
and tells me they can pay me more
for my dreams
there's a machine
similar to a high level
floatation tank
she tells me
this is a much finer
collection device
I am so tired
from not having had any dreams
that I agree
she helps me into the tank
I am aware
I will be utterly emptied
of all of my dreams
and wonder
if it is all worth it

The odd tool to operate on the dead

my mother
is in the dream with me
a reception
or a show
many people I know
Lashley is there
I am happy
for him to meet
my mother
she is happy
to be there
dressed well
I am reading a screenplay
left to me
by a dead writer
the screenplay
is contained in a notebook
with several compartments
boxes that open
and hidden compartments
as I am reading
the words to my mother
they are being
enacted nearby
as if we are both offstage
I turn the page
and there is a box
with a knife
a stone
and an odd tool
filagreed with gold
inlaid with mother of pearl
or ivory heiroglyphs
an antique thing
I can't figure out
its function
my mother suggests
it is used to operate
on the dead
but I can't see how
I am photographing
the stone
which looks like
a large nugget of gold
the light is difficult
and I am moving
the phone around
to get a good angle
when I look back
my mother is gone
she has taken
the odd tool
to operate on the dead



See: http://osteologos.blogspot.com/2018/04/the-lighter.html

Under a darkening sun

a fragment of a dream,
a single sentence
brought out of the depths...

the adversary smiles
on those bonds formed
under a darkening sun




See: http://osteologos.blogspot.com/2018/04/under-darkening-sun.html

The reaper is busy knowing it would just take a moment

in a neighborhood
similar to the Princess Lane area
across the street
from the old house
perhaps there was a party
the night before
and as a consequence
the yard across the street
was trashed
the grass turned up
exposing earth and stone
bottle littered about
I am in charge
of a group of young boys
ages ranging from 6 to 16
maybe a dozen
I might be a father
I line them up
in the torn up yard
and instruct them
on how to walk in a line
and pick up rocks and bottles
to toss them
outside of the yard
they are all unenthusiastic
and easily distracted
but we are laughing and happy
I am doing most of the work
while they engage in horseplay
blaring loud music
comes on from the house
next door
I yell over for them
to turn it down
it's neighborhood kids
just being kids
but the dad comes out
all bowed up
ready to confront me
my kids are watching
the dad is out of shape
and full of impotent rage
not threatening
he reminds me of a bobwhite quail
harrying a reaper out in the field
the reaper is busy
knowing it would just take a moment
to cut the thing in two
but unwilling to break his rhythm

And I seem dead to myself

a party
gathering
at a young woman's house
her parent's house
while they are away
upper class
elegant furnishings
a sense of chaos
within me
as if I am cultivating
being out of control
breaking glasses
laughing through it
at one point
I am given a kind of harnessed
remote control system
to pick the video
or adjust the audio
a device to participate
in a fully immersive
online game
all I want to do
is to change the music
I am on the nice living room
on the overstuffed couch
figuring it out
the rest of the group
are on the kitchen bar
drinking and laughing
a young boy comes in
spoiled overprivileged kid
shows me how to use to harness
but I am not interested
in putting it on
seems designed
for a small child anyway
a woman from Bellingham
comes in with her dog
I am happy to see
a down to earth
unprestentious face
she is friends with
the young woman
who lives here
there is a sense of being set up
like an arranged date
I remember a hedge
of green hollys
deep vermillion
waxy leaves
and cut grass
in the summer air
looking down
on distant memories
swimming at night
in chlorinated pools
water on skin
and I seem dead
to myself

I know she's not there

with an old man and woman
we are trying to kill a venomous snake
I am living in a garage apartment
where the garage door opens
to offer access to my bedroom
a snake comes up the driveway
dark green
almost black
with dark red diamond patterns
followed by an old man
who is too close to it
and an old woman
who keeps worrying
about the old man
the snake
perhaps encouraged
by the old man
goes into my apartment
I am throwing objects at it
trying to scare it out of the apartment
the snake goes under the covers
of my pallet
which is a low futon like frame
I can see his shape beneath the covers
the old man grabs a hold
of part of it that it above the covers
and yanks it out
but it finds a hole
near the side
and slips down it
we can see it underneath the frame
it is winding around a tree trunk
making itself flatter and flatter
moving faster and faster
the old man kicks it
and it becomes a snake again
the old man is now too close
the snake has this trick
where it winds around a pole or tree
very fast and throws itself
away from the tree
after it does this again
the old man
steps on its head
the old man does not get bit
but the snake's head
hurts his foot
and he's jumping up and down
saying
gosh dangit that hurt
the snake is mad at him
and turns to strike
but the old man doesn't see it
in the minor pain
of having stepped on its head
I can see the snake open it's mouth wide
and hear it hissing
the old woman and I
are calling out to the old man
to get away
saying
the snake is going to bite you
on the verge of awakening
I hear JGM meow
at the door
but I when I wake up
I know she's not there

His face will be gone and his memories consumed

This is a much older dream
but another one about Lawrence
I drive up
in a convertible car
to a convenience store
in what seems Austin
somewhere around the Drag
Lawrence's old haunts
I see Lawrence standing
in front of the store
anxious and nervous
I am happy to see him
but I know he is dead
I ask him how death
is treating him
he says it's rough
rough as a motherfucker
always hungry
never satisfied, Scot
as always
he is resigned to his fate
I ask if I can get him anything
if he needs any money
he shakes his head
money is no good
they won't let me in the store
and I can't use anything from inside
I ask why he's hanging around
outside of it
what else am I gonna do, he says
I got so much goddamned time
and there's nothing I can do about it
no way to escape it, Scot
you sure there's nothing I can do?
he says
we'll you can try
to get some drugs for me
I say sure
but let me get something to eat
from the store
they won't let you eat here
it's only for the dead
but not for you?
only for the good motherfuckers
I wasn't a good motherfucker
I tell him to get in the car
I try to go inside the store
but the door is locked
the clerk ignores my hammering
on the door
I head back to the car
Lawrence has crawled into the convertible
head first
is searching the carpet
on the passenger's side
for fallen drugs
he is sniffing the carpet feverishly
like a dog
a ravenous animal
his feet are shaking spasmodically
above the headrest
Lawrence
there's nothing down there
this isn't even my car
he ignores me
I see his lower jaw dislocate
and a black snake like demonic creature
emerge from within him
all teeth and dripping flesh
Lawrence's face is folded back
over his skull
like an outer mask slid back
I think
this can't be Lawrence
but then I realize it is
this is him
stripped away of his charm
and intellect and humor
this is the raw hunger
feverish desire
that was always in him
that he wore a mask over
as a disguise
and now here
in this afterlife
with no way to satisfy the hunger
with no friends
with no family
with all the time in the world
the black creature within him
is gradually replacing
the Lawrence I once knew
in a few years
perhaps when I die
and return to this afterworld
I won't even recognize him
he will not longer answer to his name
his face will be gone
and his memories
consumed in the
terrible unquenchable
hunger and desire

The Mexican man is there to kill Lawrence

with JGM
working a new job
some shit job
as a corporate functionary
living in a house
with a bunch of younger people
cramped room
always a lot of music
drugs and parties
in a cramped kitchen
there are 5 gallon water jugs
and smaller containers
I notice all of them
have debris floating
around in them
at some point
Lawrence shows up
of course
knows everyone
it's good to see him
he says he's got to talk to me
about something later
goes in the bathroom
with one of the kids
obviously doing drugs
selling drugs
we are just outside the door
on a cramped couch
an older Mexican man
show up angry
maybe someone's father
tries to barge into the bathroom
I think he wants to fight Lawrence
am worried about a confrontation
the Mexican man seems angry
but refuses to speak
he bangs on the door
Lawrence finally answers
recognizes the man
who is no completely pliant
and opens the door
for him to come into the bathroom
while it all seems all right
there is still a sense
the Mexican man
is there to kill Lawrence

Where you are sleeping?

the night before last
the bars and clubs down the street
were playing music loudly
the bass beats and drums carry
can be heard through the walls
until 2 am

I was dreaming
but I remember nothing about the dream
beyond a figure in the dream
pausing in his performance
breaking the forth wall
so to speak
and asking me
of a sudden
is that music?
where is that sound coming from?
I listened
and understood that he was hearing
the music from outside the dream
leaking through the walls
into the room
where I was sleeping
I reassured him
that's music from the bars
they play it really loud on the weekends
what bars? he asked
the ones down the street
from the house on Valentino
where I am sleeping
where you are sleeping?
he asked as if from a distance
his voice uncomprehending
yes,
I am asleep right now
I am dreaming