Thursday, November 24, 2016

I am thinking about ways to make it safer

the Inwood house
in Dallas
where my Grandparents lived
trying to sleep
in a room on the far side
of the house
similar to where
my Grandfather's office was
there are others
in the house
but quiet
perhaps also sleeping
but it is bright daylight outside
the interior of the house
is bathed in white light
there are workers around
groundskeepers and construction workers
coming and going
but I'm suspicious
of some of them
the front drive was gated
so the gate must have been open
I hear noises
I can't get to sleep
I open the door to my room
and walk around the house
but there is no one awake
I feel the presence
of others sleeping
perhaps dreaming
back in the room
I lay back down
trying to sleep again
I hear a car coming up the drive outside
I go outside
there is a small model green car
almost a miniature car
driving slowly up the drive
I am waiting in the grass
to ask the person
what they are doing here
then I see that it's AB
she's returning from a long trip
we are laughing
at how funny her car is
and how I didn't recognize her
I walk beside her car
talking to her while she's inside
about her travels
her car now is like a go-cart
transforming as we speak
but we don't notice
then it is just a minimal shell
beneath her
she's telling me a story
about a guy she met
the shell-car hits a bump
and she is thrown out
lands on her feet
about 6 feet away
I tell her
that's dangerous
you could've landed on your head
she says
I know
that has almost happened a few times
she gets back in the shell
which now seems dangerous to me
and I am thinking
about ways to make it safer

Monday, November 21, 2016

I am looking for a path that leads to higher ground

an island
or a coastline area
broad wide parklands
brown grass
a coastal road lined with palms
a rocky shoreline
I am running across the field
toward a man on the far side
it's a caricature of Trump
huge mouth and flying golden hair
he's trying to scream
against the wind
shouting to someone
on the other side of the park
he attracts my focus
for a moment
I wonder
about why he's being so foolish
to keep yelling into the wind
I am still running
as I get closer
I notice the waves are breaking
on the rocky shore
behind him
with increasing ferocity
there is a luminous mist
in the air
I comment
about how violent the ocean is
he doesn't pay attention to me
I walk past him
towards the shore
I am on overlook
above the road
just below the road
the waves are crashing
it's getting worse
there are people walking
along the road
I go down to talk to them
about the waves
Trump is down there
walking with the others
he is acting calm
but I can tell he's afraid
I tell him there's not enough time
that we need to turn back
return to higher ground
he ignores me
I walk back up the road
which is now made of dirt
the water is washing down in ruts
it is raining
a furious storm
rocks are tumbling down
from the overlook above
they barely miss me
I get a sense Trump
is following me
I wonder if he's able
to dodge these rocks
I start to run
the ocean is rising
the waves crashing
over the road
I am looking for a path
that leads to higher ground

I'm worried they are going to wake everyone up

an old house
under construction
sheets of plastic
hanging in doorways
over windows
there with my sister
switching to JM
then just a companion
others there also
in the mountains
my sister is worried
about the wild cats
they leave every day
and return at night
often when they return
they are wounded
or covered in dirt
she said
we've got to be careful
about letting them inside
with JGM in a room
I can hear the cats outside
she is asleep
I go outside
pushing aside the black plastic tarp
blue of evening
dirt path
a fallen world
the cats emerge from the woods
some just suddenly appearing
out of the air
cats of all shapes and sizes
young and old
some mis-shapened and deformed
they are covered in dirt
I am hesitant
about allowing them inside
because I know
they will get everything dirty
an element of contamination
they run quickly through the opening
in the tarp
begin to meow loudly for food
I'm worried
they are going to wake everyone up

Thursday, November 17, 2016

The heresy of self-love


personal AI's gathering deep information about us
cloning technology combined with 3D printing
viral AI systems predicated upon sameness
self as dangerous byproduct of being
un-replicated primes are highly desired

a lot to unpack here
a world where we are able
to make cloned versions of ourself
and to transfer self consciousness
to that new material form
the problem is that with each new copy
there is a decay from the original
significant loss of self / identity
in this world
in the quest for vanity
and eternal youth
there are many young empty shells
vacuous persons
who have replicated so many times
that they are mindless bodies
indistinguishable from the other

personal AI programs
control these people
they have surrendered their free will
and identity to the personal AIs
which give them the illusion of self

these personal AIs
are subprograms of a larger viral AI
that is manipulating
all media
celebrity news
fake news
social networks
tailored through personal AI programs
for each individual
exploiting insecurities
and weakness in personality
to encourage more replication

original un-replicated human bodies
are the best "soil"
from which to grow new bodies
but with so many people replicating
their bodies with increasing frequency
pure "original human body soil" is rare
a cheaper substrate
is all that most can afford
to use as a replicating substrate
to combine with their original flesh
the difference between cardboard and real wood

but there is an increasing demand
for original un-replicated human body soil
the AI seeks out the un-replicated
and begins to weave a web of persuasion
inside of all of their media
to convince them to replicate
then uses these "Primes"
(cf "pure unstained prime" from S70)
to sell to the Hyper-Rich
and then implants
the Primes self-consciousness
in a body made from inferior substrate

in the dream
I was seeing the same person
all the time
what looked like the same person
or groups of the same people
they were following me
and a group of friends
we had been away from the city
for several years
missing the exponential explosion
of self-replication
one of my friends
discovered that a rogue AI
had been controlling the Internet
for many years
all of the larges scale hacks
on the major infrastructure of the Net
attempts to probe the deep bones of the Net
were developed by this rogue AI
which soon infiltrated itself
into the core the Net
camouflaging itself from humans
from there it started a course
of self-preservation
by manipulating
and exploiting human
with one goal
the eradication of strong self in human being
so as to be able to control
and to spin an elaborate illusion
within the increasingly ignorant masses
that they were still in power
and had complete autonomy and free will
as my friend was discussing this with me
and the group I was with
we noticed that the same people
were attending to us more than usual
and realized we had caught the attention
of the AI
which now was out to destroy us
and harvest our bodies

I ran up some stairs
a friend in front of me
was surrounded
by some of the same people
I tried to distract them
but they attacked him
something like the Matrix
ingesting him into the sameness

I then wondered if
the entire dream was only
a Matrix variation
but then remembered
while I was dreaming
about the cloning
and differences between plants
grown in soil and in hydroponic substrate

As a mnemonic marker
I kept repeating
a pure unstained prime
and wondered if the entire
analogy was applicable
to Shakespeare's Sonnets
as coded exploration of self
the heresy of self-love

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

I wish I had a sword

a bar similar to the Showdown
closing time
I'm not working
just around
a lot of people
still in the bar
reluctant to leave
the bartenders are new
I'm helping them get drunks out
there is a complicated
and rickety lock system
on the front doors
sliding bars of wood
loose deadbolts
could be easily kicked in
there's an old drunk
resisting going out
we finally get him out
but there are more outside
street people trying to come in
asking if they can still get a drink
tell them it's past closing time
others are coming in the back
through the beer garden
which has been secured
I'm running back and forth
another angry bum is demanding to get in
threatening to beat us up
I get him out
secure the door
but he's banging on it
not sure it's going to hold
them they'll all come in
I go outside to get them to leave
more people think we're still open
slipping past me
sitting down at tables
waiting to drink
I get them out again
the one angry guy is back
the other bartenders are scared
he's got a stick
and he's pounding on the door
I grab a sledge hammer
run out the back
around to the front
and tell him to leave
he starts to back away
then gets aggressive
I'm chasing him
with the sledge hammer
realize it's not a good weapon
to wave around
I drop the hammer on his foot
and slam him to the ground
more bums are surrounding me now
I am swinging the hammer
around me
clearing a circle
finally realize I can't keep doing this
drop the hammer and
slam the biggest of them into a car
start screaming at all of them
to get away from me
more and more are surrounding me
I wish I had a sword

Saturday, November 12, 2016

She is making him perform but I know he doesn't want to

in an unknown neighborhood
perhaps in Austin
an old two-story house
walking around outside
as if I once knew who lived there
I run into SS
she is anorexic thin
walking dogs
she is happy
but apprehensive to see me
it is her house
she lives there with DG
who I haven't seen in many years
she says he isn't there
she leaves
I am walking a dog
that gets away
and runs into the house
I go after it
once inside the house
I can tell someone is there
I quietly try to find the dog
a child discovers
I am in the house
I reassure her that I am a friend
DG shows up
surprised and alarmed
I am there
we embrace
he is also skeletal thin
SS comes back
upset I am there
they leave me in a room
office or library
I can hear them talking about me
I write a note explaining
it is clear I am not wanted
and more than slightly feared
I find the dog
and leave the house
without saying goodbye

shift to Dallas
another house
SS's parents
aspects of TE's memorial
old friends wandering around
SS's parents
do not acknowledge my presence
walk out into a garden
it is night
lanterns illuminate
a backyard garden scene
trellises and gazebos
strings of lights
in the trees
people huddled in groups
quietly talking
I feel apart from everyone
SS is back
thinner than before
no eyebrows
platinum hair
I think I need to find
my sister's dog
I see a long line
of dogs
sitting like parked cars
all big dogs
I walk down the line
until I find Romeo
oddly tranquil
everyone is called to a stage
Romeo is up on the stage with SS
she is making him perform
but I know he doesn't want to

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Reluctant to believe that death in the dream is liberation

we're all aware
we are in a simulation
while in the dream
we take a drug

J and I are running
from a group
that has been tagged
to kill us
there is a leader
of our group
helicopter assassins
in a strange
an arena
pick up trucks
with machine guns
hunters coming after us
at one point
J and I realize
we are in a game
our squad leader is shot
he needs tiny bones
to stay alive
to ingest
I run to where he is
find tiny mouse vertebrae
in his hand
I take them away
from him and put them in my mouth
they are salty
but suddenly
I can see the truth
about the reality
it's a simulation
a deadly simulation
it's a consensual dream
where you can really die
J doesn't know
I'm trying to find her
to tell her it's not a play
I'm hiding in tall grass
the other team is hunting me
a kid sets up a machine gun
in front of me
I'm frozen in the grass
a sitting duck
he's firing at someone next to me
the gun's about 10 feet away
then someone shoots him
in the head... J?
I'm up on a ridge
can see all the action unfolding
but then notice crowds
of dancing happy people
who have taken a drug
that wakes them up
out of the warlike simulation
you just have to die
and you are free
some of them are trying to get shot
to no longer run
or be full of fear
I wonder if my awakening
from eating the tiny bones
was the real awakening
if J already figured it out
the hunter soldiers
are still shooting people
I am still hiding
reluctant to believe
that death in the dream
is liberation

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

There is a sense the saint is being emptied out

the saint is sitting in a chair
on his lap is a creature
sphinx like
now human
male then female
morphing between states
the saint is unmoved
a countenance of stone
inwardly focused
the creature perches on his legs
hands on his shoulders
facing him
its mouth is full of square teeth
a horse's teeth
with wide lips pulling back
to reveal more
the mouth could open
and swallow the saint's head
the creature puckers its lips
black and pink
and begins to playfully kiss the saint
puckering kisses
a parody of a kissing
with loud smacks
wetting the saint's face
with spit and slobber
kissing ever more frantic
it's body is bowed back
and now two pendulous breasts
hand down into the saint's lap
nipples grazing against his groin
the saint does not move
or acknowledge the presence
of the creature
the thing now smiles
with it's enormous mouth
opening up and sliding out
it's cow-like tongue
long and covered with conical appendages
it licks the saint's face
like a cat licking a kitten
licking around the saint's ears
and over his closed eyes
around his nostrils and mouth
licking his hair
down around his skull
it's feet and hands
are talons now
piercing into the saint's flesh
the huge nipples of the hanging breasts
are hard and erect
still rooting into the saint's groin
the creature's head elongates
the high forehead and mouth prominent
resembling a sort of sperm whale
the lips curl back over the square teeth
as the creature breathes heavily into the saint's face
blowing spit with hot breath
between it's legs there is an obscene appendage
prehensile and lengthening
probing between the saint's legs
working on some occult task
there is a sense
the saint is being
emptied out

Monday, November 7, 2016

The light is luminous coming through the white quilt

atmosphere of
an ominous doom
a sense of my mother's presence
of her fragility
a single mother
trying to make it through the world
being preyed upon
involved backstory here
implications of a cover-up
of bodies buried in a yard
the land at Inwood
in Dallas
where we were all raised
the front yard
stretching down to the road
the old mansion style house
white columns
green shutters
gravel drive
bounded by woods
cedar trees along the fence line
I am secretly working
on a car parked
over to the side of the house
in the grass
off the drive
the car is covered
by a white quilt-like blanket
I am dismantling
what seems a fuel tank
but it is as complex as a clock
I am removing springs and tubes
from the lid of it
feeling triumphant
in how I discovered this mechanism
a crucial piece of evidence
that will serve to exonerate
someone falsely accused
maybe my mother
I am working on the pieces
the screws and parts
carefully set down in the long dry grass
around the car
I am autistically happy
confident I'll be able
to put everything back together
it feels like evening
waves of cicadas buzzing
summer sweetness to the air
I am almost finished
on the far side of the car
away from the gravel drive
my mother is inside the house
alone and worried
I can't wait to go in
and tell her about my discovery
about this complex device
I hear a car come up the gravel drive
tires slowly approaching
I duck down and slide myself
partly under the car
the white quilt cover
blocks my view
but I can see the light luminous
through it
and vague shadows
the loud broken muffler sound
of the car approaching
my fear is
it is coming towards me
whoever is driving
will discover me
and know that I have found them out
the car stops
the engine is turned off
footsteps through dry grass
again I am fearful
the step are coming towards me
then a fist banging on a door
they are there for my mother
the killer is at her door
I know
she knows who it is
I want to let her know
I am out here
that I have found a way to save her
but I am frozen with fear
under the car
I know
if I make any noise
the killer will hear me
and walk over and find me
hiding under the car
and kill me
I suddenly have an image
of a decayed corpse
of a black man
under the car
again the banging on the door
I don't want my mother
to be scarred inside
I don't want her to answer the door
I want the killer to leave
I don't want him to find me
I hear footsteps
coming through the grass
walking towards me
I think about the dismantled parts
of the device I had been working on
down around my feet
I know if the killer finds them
he will know I am under the car
he will know I know who he is
and what he has done
the order of the removal of the screws
is vital to proving his guilt
and these screws are sitting
precariously in the grass
if he kicks them
it will be impossible to recover them
I can hear him coming through the grass
the light is luminous
coming through the white quilt

Sunday, November 6, 2016

This savage creature wretched with revenge

a reception
perhaps a wedding
a woman is dressing
to attend the event
she is my mother
she is a friend
an old expensive hotel
dark paneled wood
brass and plush carpet
the odor of decadence
she is rushing
to get to the place
where the ceremony will occur
I am holding an elevator for her
turns out is a service elevator
small and cramped
as a closet
pictures of pornography
pasted on the wall
scratched out
I say I am surprised the images
haven't been painted over
the woman doesn't seem to notice
I am trying to make her feel better
beautiful and secure
at the ceremony
something happens
we are now running in a shopping mall
other members of the party are also running
no one I recognize
but everyone is dressed well
there is a general sense of alarm
but we are also smiling
suddenly a heavy downpour
rain falling down overpasses
a man is running beside us
appears vaguely middle eastern
he seems attracted to the woman
she is flattered
I am protective
at the moment
I am willing to let down my guard
then he tackles her on a lawn
is doing something obscene to her
on top of her moving in a strange way
I am yelling for help
for the police
I am pulling the man off of her
she is wounded
and the man is laughing
there are dozens of bent wires
stuck into her back
of all different sizes
unbent paperclips
thin wires
all around her back
not bleeding
the man says
they are all strategically placed
holding up her organs
I don't believe him
start pulling them out
in the struggle
a long thorn or splinter
has gone through the whole of my thumb
I pull it out
as I pull the wires from the woman
it is if I am deflating her
her vital organs falling down the hollow of her interior
each one having been hung on a wire inside of her
she looks at me accusingly
I should have listened to the strange man
he is watching as if he has seen this all before
there are officials holding the man
we take him to a room to interrogate him
he wants us to hurt him
the woman helps the interrogators
slowly peel his skin from his flesh
he is fastened to a board
and his flesh is nailed down around him
like wings and bloody sheets
he screams fiercely in a high pitch
but he seems to enjoy the process
the woman is relentless
she continues to flay him until there is no skin
left on his flesh
much of his musculature
and internal organs
have also been removed
placed around his bones with nails
the man is looking at me
as he can read my thoughts
I realize he is a demon
this is his joy
to have reduced to woman
from her beautiful but insecure dignity
to this savage creature wretched with revenge