No one can see the whole of the piece except me

a concert for music
that I've written
dozens of singers and musicians
on a stage
I am arranging
where they each need to stand
a sheet of paper
indicating 81 parts
divided into 3 sections
I ask single musicians
to perform short pieces
then groups of singers
we are in a vast concert hall
crowds of workers
are moving about
whispering in the auditorium
behind me
what is clear to me
and what is frustrating to me
is that no one
can see the whole of the piece
except me

It doesn't seem as if he is holding anything at all

a close out sale
at a shop
almost a convenience store
people putting aside
pile of things they want
asking for deals
a square counter area
in the middle of the room
customers are in the square
looking under shelves
poking around
I'm watching them
making sure
they don't take that isn't for sale
a man is arguing with me
about the value
of something in his hands
I don't recognize it
it doesn't seem as if
he is holding anything at all

Capturing the Minotaur

what is it about some dreams
when immediately after opening your eyes
this world once so solid
and so real
a world filled with people
and such involved drama
how can such a world
instantly turn to fog
and vanish into thin air?

"More strange than true. I never may believe
These antique fables nor these fairy toys.
Lovers and madmen have such seething brains,
Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend
More than cool reason ever comprehends.
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet
Are of imagination all compact.
One sees more devils than vast hell can hold—
That is the madman. The lover, all as frantic,
Sees Helen’s beauty in a brow of Egypt.
The poet’s eye, in fine frenzy rolling,
Doth glance from heaven to Earth, from Earth to heaven.
And as imagination bodies forth
The forms of things unknown, the poet’s pen
Turns them to shapes and gives to airy nothing
A local habitation and a name.
Such tricks hath strong imagination,
That if it would but apprehend some joy,
It comprehends some bringer of that joy.
Or in the night, imagining some fear,
How easy is a bush supposed a bear!"
W.S. MSND

then how easy is it for that bear to disappear
and as the mind chases after it
the entire world around it also disappears
until there is only the stark reality
of the bed you have awoken to
the grey light
the same dull world
that surrounds you every day?

but then
there are other dreams
that cling to you
as you rise out the murky seas
starfish and barnacles
that ride back attached
and reluctant to remove themselves
often they are utterly ordinary
fragments of a larger
dream narrative
more often
that rich and interwoven narrative
is left behind
and all that remains
is the objective correlative
of the sad hermit crab
searching for a new shell

last night's dream
took place in a restuarant
not one that I remember
from my life
but familiar
I was a customer
but knew the staff
mostly women
all younger
and happily bantering
amongst each other
a man had come in the back door
and was causing trouble
he seemed drunk
confused
but was aggressive
and asking for money
the girls convinced him
to wait in the office
they came to me
and told me about their problem
I walked into the back
we were scrambling for a weapon
the man was yelling
and I wanted to be able
to defend myself
the back area
was like a labyrinth
which the women knew well
but by the time we arrived
in the storeroom
where I hoped to find a weapon
I was completely disoriented
the halls were narrow
and lined with cheap
wood paneling
corkboards overfilled with notices
photographs
stickers
jokes
and letters
cheaply framed photos
lined the walls
as we walked past
a massive wooden walk-in door
we heard the man yelling
from inside
the women were scared
and I realized
all I needed to do
was to pull down
a heavy metal bar
like those on an ice house
that would seal the man inside
I quickly fumbled with the bar
locking the man inside
he realized he was trapped
and increased his furious yelling
the girls were laughing
and taunting him

The dreams we deemed worthy of remembrance

vague fragments
a processing center
a rendering factory
where my dreams
were being evaluated
edited
amped up
for increased
memorability
I would dream
for a while
like a scuba diver
going down
to touch bottom
dream for a while
then I would come back
to the surface
and stand around
with the group
discussing the merits
and problems
with the dream
always a sense
of choosing what to keep
and what to discared
what to remember
for when I would later
write it down here
and what I could
without any great loss
forget
the problem is
that now I only remember
this editing
evaluating process
and nothing at all
of the dreams
we deemed
worthy of remembrance

I have a move that can free me from the game

fragmentary images
a castle or a space ship
corridors and lab rooms
anxiety over being found out
searching for a Prospero type
associations with Star Wars
and science fiction
the dreamer is aware of the dream
the sorcerer is conjuring the drama
for reasons beyond our comprehension
searching through rooms
and subrooms
layers of basements
levels of reality
moving towards a foundation
Malkhut
does not emanate from God directly
but from God's creation
suddenly entering into the temenos
the god is surpised
the dream reality
amps up into higher resolution
the god is holding
the Tree of Life
the Sephirot spinning around
like planets in an orbit
jewels on a chandalier
arcing paths of light
weaving through each other's influence
the god watches me
with casual indifference
amused I have found him
certain I will forget
the value and meaning
of the enoounter
the Sephirot orbit
I recite a spell
something like C3PO
he lightly responds with D4QP
it sounds as if it spells a word
every spell I say
he easily advances it
like playing chess
with the Grand Master
every action antipated
until I realize
I have a move
that can free me from the game
and I awaken

She is horrified that I would think that

I am with Jerry
he is homeless
sort of a Lawrence figure
known around town as an affable presence
we are driving around
talking and catching up
he still seems like he has dementia
but is still functional
we drive into a university complex
around a series of large dorms in towers
there is a place in back
where Jerry says he sleeps
I am worried about him
so I get out and accompany him
he says he wants to watch TV
goes into a common area
and tries to remove the public TV
from the wall
I tell him to stop
that they will think he is stealing the TV
he says he is stealing it
as he disconnects the wires
and unplugs it
there are a lot of students around
who are watching him
but not doing anything
Jerry tells me not to worry
he does this all the time
when he wants to watch TV


earlier:
SH from Dallas
is waiting for her son
to get out of school
is showing me where he sits
in the front seat of her car
she has rigged up
two cutting boards
in the passenger seat
one on the dash
and one on the seatback
I ask her if they are safe
and she laughs
says of course not
but that is what make him happy
I tell her
the cutting boards
seem like a gruesome metaphor
for what might happen
if he got in an accident
and she is horrified
that I would think that

"The trees are green and its leaves are fluttering in the wind"

a mixture of Austin and Bellingham
with M&K
and a group of friends
wandering through an entertainment area
sitting at an outside bar
DC from Bellingham
sits next to MM from Austin
to remind her
to be aware
of how much she is drinking
PR from Bellingham
is irritated
asking who D is
and why he is there
I explain the situation to him
he still is annoyed
PR goes off to work
he drives an Uber
the next day
 M and I cannot find a ride
M's car is in the shop
I go to the shop to look for her
she is in a crowded waiting room
lots of women with babies
I think
she is sitting there
buried under a dozen crying babies
which seems something
she would do
but it is not her
find her outside
she is hungover and irritable
K is working on her car
PR shows up
asking if I need a ride
and asking where DC is
since clearly M needs a ride
he seems as if he wants DC's job
we find K
who is working under the hood
M's car is an old Ford pickup
placed inside another old car
PR is amazed by this
but his car seems the same
an old car inside of an old car
K is busy fixing the car
busy but polite
he gets it working
now M is nowhere around
he goes to look for her
PR offers to give me a ride
I tell him
I'm good
that I will walk
but he thinks
I am waiting for a ride
from DC
which I am not
the day is extraordinary
in its ordinary beauty

"the trees are green
and its leaves
are fluttering
in the wind"

I say this like a magical spell
repeating it
ignoring the odd look from PR
as if
by saying it over and over
I will
fix the beauty of the morning
into memory

Either too small and ineffective or too large to lift up

in a place similar
to the room on 53rd
JGM is there with me
I find a pack
hidden under the back door
now the house
is built on the side of a hill
lots of wood support beams
under the porch
I tell JGM
I know someone
is out crashing
in the garage
I try to throw the pack
out of back door
to make a loud noise
but it lands
in the grass with no noise
JGM is standing in the door
watching me
I am looking for a piece of wood
to slam against the side of the garage
anything to protect myself
and scare the person crashing in there
but I can find nothing
as I get closer to the garage door
I can see smoke coming out
as if they are smoking pot in there
this angers me
I hear the voices of several people
I am wondering if this is dangerous
I find a large stump
I throw it against the door
but it doesn't make much impression
I can tell whomever is inside
knows I am outside
they are coming out
I keep searching for a weapon
everything I find
is either too small and ineffective
or too large to lift up