Where there are no shadows

at a bar in austin
they were filming a movie there
and we were working around the filming
a lot of wood in the bar
exposed rafters
wood floors
an old building
fire-trap
a lot a new people
I had never seen
working there
doing drugs
while we were working
walk down to another bar
where a lot of women look at me
they sell these weird gelatin deserts
I tell the guy that I want
to try something different
he gives me a piece of tough gelatin
like a shaking shard of amber
and tells me to taste it
I do and tell him it's good
he takes it over to a deep fryer
a girl next to me starts flirting
I don't respond correctly
after the busy night is over
talking with jon stewart
on a bed
with a bunch of financial papers
spread out around us
he was working there
as a manager
about where all the money went
about declaring tips
told him I made
just over a hundred
he tells me he knows
belaboring the obvious
as if to say he knew
I'd spent it on drugs
driving over to a house
near the bar
an adobe type house
bunch of bartenders
and waiters lived there
open windows and doors
everything broken
people all over
hot summer days
where there are no shadows
driving with an ex-boss of mine
from the last bookstore I worked at
looking for a friend
we knew everybody
looking for a strange motorcycle
keep hearing people
call out our names
as we drive around
stop at the house
they tell me
there are already three managers
scheduled to work
I don't need to go in
I am relieved to not be working
but wish I had some
more money
Signorney Weaver is there
under the floor
spreading out rat poison
granular yellow seeds
that look like wheat
scattered on the earth
I lift up the floor
to help her get out
the house is broken down
and collapsing
my friend is laughing
at how weird and beautiful
everything is
then at the bar
an employee meeting
one of the owners
comes in
carry this huge gun
attached to his body
something out of a sci-fi movie
one of the female manager
tries to shoot him
he starts firing off the shotgun
shooting at everyone
then a turns on a flame thrower
with no flame
just heat
and sprays it over all of us
he shoots
one of the female manager's
fake breasts off
and kills a couple of dogs
but no one else is hurt
everyone is laughing
because his entrance
and presence
were so terrifying
but no one got hurt

En ta smeale tha succuh

at a dinner table
my last girlfriend
her son
and her ex-husband
some others
dream people
there is a raccoon skin
on the wall outside
her son is reading
a book about raccoons
with his father
reading out loud
about their smell
call succour
smells like sweet excrement
I am talking in a southern accent
to his mother
telling her
huh suhn could nawt wait
to ress his pretty lil heead
on thaat theuh coon skin
en ta smeale tha succuh
saying
that wuz whad ah had got
awn ma own hand when
ah had got bit by won o dem
juss lil while ago

Later:

my sister tells me
she has found out she can do a trick
she holds one hand in the light
someone out of sight adds
a dangling light
my sister corrects herself
says
I hold one hand in the dangling light
and in the other I hold a receipt
that is on fire
as soon as I put the one hand
into the dangling light
the receipt on fire
goes out

A barrel full of water and green seeds

in a hotel or a monastery
preparing for a trip
gathering supplies
thirsty
a barrel full of water and green seeds
scoop out water and seeds
into my palms cupped together
try to drink the water
and not spill any seeds
some fall anyway
woman comes in
tells the people in the next room
the water is not for drinking
I imagine that I will get sick
on the verge of leaving
need to stop at a house
where a bunch of girls live
to give them some money
walking out to the car
in the early morning
before the sun is up
weather is bad
heavy fog
woman is beside me
I step into a hole on the driveway
the woman says
I should be careful
not about falling into the hole
but about where I am going
I walk easily out of the hole
trying to remember things
to write them down later
music in my head
my country tis of thee
sweet land of liberty
of thee I sing

An abandonded amusement park world

an abandonded hospital
in a foreign country
trying to find room 421
with my ex-wife and a friend from the old bar
dark experiments going on there
an exhibition of freaks
labyrinthian hallways
the room lead to an operating room
nazi experiments
freaks wandering the halls
crowded with children
presence of an evil doctor
now with a friend from high school
an abandonded amusement park world
a movie set
escher geometries
desert sands filling up most of the rooms
sliding down dunes from billboards
chasing after my friend
who seems to have no direction
following him deeper and deeper
into the ruins
we are both carrying sharp knives
moonlight illuminates the sand
I am trying to find him
following echoes now
slides of white sand
laughing in the desert night

How it was to feel so alive in the summer

at the old house of my grandfather
camping down in the woods
in a tent
lots of people parked in his yard
I am a caretaker
driving a volkswagon bug around
stop to check on the people in the tent
an older couple
down on their luck
there is a cop there
he keeps looking down in the woods
but he can't see the tent
thinks it is a big boulder
as I am driving off
I stop to tell him
it is ok for these people to be there
he and I walk through the woods

now in the front yard
my mother out there
with a childhood friend
on motorcycles
three of us
we are moving all of our possessions
we do this on a regular basis
looking for my shoes
I took them off to play
I find them in some boxes

now in a department store
at a desk
other people at desks around me
get a guy from the stereo department
to bring over a stereo
to put on my desk until closing
so we can hear some music
throughout everything
is the feeling of being surrounded
by old friends from the early part of my life
how it was to joke around with them
how it was to feel so alive in the summer
when I was young

The . hits the ? in the face

dream fugue about an animated piece
the punctuation marks mutating
the question mark
becomes the exclamation
the word "Bone?"
with the question mark
the ? comes to life
starts kicking the . against the letters
like a soccer ball
the . hits the ? in the face
? swallows the.
the it goes through the ?
and comes out on botttom
the ? looks down
and is surprised
becomes a !
and "Bone?"
becomes "Bone!"

Vectors: Sebald/Eschatology/Narration and Bellingham/Nostalgia/Japan

Sebald/Eschatology/Narration

•  From How Fiction Works by James Wood
  
  

  I think that fiction writing which does not acknowledge the uncertainty of the narrator himself is a form of imposture which I find very, very difficult to take. [...] Given that you have a world where the rules are clear and where one knows where trespassing begins, then I think it is legitimate within that context to be a narrator who knows what the rules are and who knows the answers to certain questions.

•  From the Laughing Bone: Eschatology: The Ruins After Dark
  
  

  No one knew where the homeless stayed, although lights among the ruins after dark showed where they had moved in.

Bellingham/Nostalgia/Japan

• Researching photoshop actions and filters related to the Mechanics of Nostalgia 

• Out of the Blue: from a Flickr Page on Photoshop actions and downloads:
  
  

  Bellingham, Washington is officially the sister city to Tateyama, Japan. This beautiful tree, on the grounds of the Bellingham Public Library, has a marble plaque at its base. The plaque reads, "Dedicated to the people of Bellingham from the people of Tateyama, Japan. Presented by Y. Honma, July 11, 1965."
  
  Bellingam is actually sister cities with four cities: Tatayama, Japan; Nakhodka, Russia; Punta Arenas, Chile; and Port Stephens, New South Wales, Australia.

I realize that I don't really have to

in Austin
walking from work at the last bar
to the 24 hour gym
talk to the my last girlfriend
on the phone as I walked along
I have told her to find some drugs for us
for later
after I workout
she has been drinking
and is frustrating me
because I believe
she is going to fuck up the deal
it is summer
there is a cool breeze
smell of mowed lawns
I am walking fast
so that I can hurry through my workout
and get to her
to do drugs
while she is talking to me
she says the dealer
just left a message on her phone
I tell her to hang up with me
and call him back
to get the drugs
she complains that I am going to be late
I realize that I don't really have to workout
that I should just meet her
and do drugs

A flatworm covered in fur and horns

an apartment in new york
with an friend who teaches classics
from the last bar I worked at
we called him brandy
or brandies...
there was a hidden room
behind a brick wall
that you could move
there was a computer in there
that the friend was using
we were talking about architecture
about how to build a house
and we kept saying,
"we need to make a ladder
up to the frog house"
a latent fear
around the house
as we were talking
about the ladder
then it shifted
 my ex-wife and I were bartenders on a ship
a former boss was the captain
I was the architect of the ship

Later Fragment:

in a car on counrty roads
my stepfather is driving
he is distracted from the road
this is worrying me
we drive slowly by
what I believe at first to be an elk
than it mutates in to a four legged creature
with a huge amorphous flat head
it is following behind
not malevolently at first
but more so as time goes on
the head is changing shape
looks like a planaria
a flatworm covered in fur and horns
far too big for the horse body
i feel fear starting rise within me
the creature senses this
starts running towards the car
my stepfather is still distracted
not trying to get away

A shaving mug for a bearded lady

Fragment:

had found the rarest shaving mug
in existence
for my stepfather
the man that owned it
didn't know what he had
was selling it for only a few dollars
it was a occupational photographic
shaving mug
of a bearded lady

Where dogs cannot talk but can vote

Fragment:

in a world
where dogs cannot talk
but can vote on
issues that affect them
my sister's dog voted
to have the fabric
on the ceiling
of my sister's car
torn off
it was hanging down
near the back window
and was in the dog's face
when it tried to look out
as we were driving along

Her skin turns to silver

Fragment:

A movie star is a killer
picks up a young girl
ties her down
is going to rape her
she is begging him
not to cut her
he takes a knife
puts it to her face
her skin turns to silver
an ex-marine from the old bar
is behind the killer
trying to distract him
then the ex-marine is easily captured
the killer realizes it is
an old wolf trick
where a couple of wolves
act hurt by the bear
to distract him
while the pack make a surprise attack

I had dreamed I was a Holy Man

an elementary school classroom
back of the room
windows open
summer day
a lot of friends
from various parts of my life
we are all there
to listen
to learn something important
a promoter is standing
near us in the back
we are waiting for the teacher
to appear in front of the class
the room turns around
now we are in front
laying on rugs and mats
other teachers are around me
arguing and delivering lectures
an ex-fiancee was there
as a young girl
people are engaged in sex
all around me
casually
innocently
unselfishly
I felt as if my being
was suffused with light
like when I was on LSD
more that I was aware
that I was in a dream
dreaming in a dream
students were coming up to me
asking me about
what I believed
the promoter gestured
with a nod
to the others around me
indicating
he's the real thing
one of my most recent bosses showed up
to see what was going on
there was an old part of me
that
for an instant
wondered about shame
but that was quickly overwhelmed
with love
we all moved away
from the classroom and the school
I talked to
taught
a lot of people
made a journey back
to the school
was talking as I walked
about how I previously walked
a pilgrimage route twice
carried a walking stick
across my shoulders
my hands hanging over the ends
I arrived back
at the school
alone
where the school was
there was now a quarry
ancient
overgrown
beautiful now
surrounded by trees
I realized
I had dreamed
I was a Holy Man

later:

with a close friend from my youth
went over to a Holy Woman's apartment
that was actually
a mirror image of
the apartment of my last girlfriend
the living room
was full of people watching
an important video
about religion and birth
I was wearing gym shorts
and a tight t-shirt
in the kitchen
there were many plastic bags
full of recently purchased groceries
to go sandwiches
fast foods
was told to eat
whatever I wanted
could overhear the Holy Woman
telling the others
who I was

She pulls her legs up like she is giving birth

at a party
big backyard
friendly people
similar to where I lived in the trailer
sunny afternoon
girl I used to know
flirting
says she wants to fuck me
go to an abandonded trailer
she pulls up her skirt
no underwear
group of old men around us
all want to fuck her
I am angry
but the girl doesn't mind
lays down on a wooden table
we are now in an old barn
she pulls her legs up like she is giving birth
I try to get her out of there
she is mad at me
her child is wandering around outside
other guys from the party
keep coming up to me
standing too close
getting in my face
the girl is letting everyone look at her
but no one is fucking her
I step outside of the barn
see some friends from the old bar
sitting up on the porch
I wonder if they have seen me
and the girl together
if I will be responsible for her sluttiness
but I know that they do
and I know that I will