Sunday, December 13, 2015

Some wretched and terrible thing having been finally uncovered

I had the entirety
of my dream
fixed in memory
with a few mnemonic markers

I stood up
to use the bathroom
thinking other thoughts
laid back down
and it was suddenly
but not absent
as if a black line of redaction
had been drawn through
the most of it

like the boy whistling
during the crucifixion
and all that is remembered
is that whistling melody
nothing else

in the dream
I was the personification
of that part of my mind
which held sacred
certain areas of my brain
kept them pure
would not allow viruses in
such as advertising jingles
and marketing memes
images and language
from pornography
and popculture

I attended lawyerly like meetings
with two other beings
perhaps also personifications
where I argued for the sanctity
of these protected and sacred areas
natural sanctuaries of the brain
from exploitation and development
by those who were only seeking
their own selfish interests
and not looking out for the interests
of those aspects of my persona
that were not able to speak for themselves
either because they lacked
access to language
or where occupied with higher activities
and could not be expected
to be pulled away
to attend to these quotidian matters

and that was it
as much as
my memory
can now grasp
of what I know
was a rich and complex world
a novels' worth of discrete detail
and subtlety that
I can no longer access

those two other beings with me
had a vital importance
I am unable to discern now
guardians, companions
or military escorts
and that redaction process
feels like something
I was not supposed to see

the notion of the mind parasites
is readily at hand
as of a presence within me
that does not have my best interests
as the reasons for its actions
better to sleep and forget
allow these images
to sink back down
into darkness
to not increase
the interior illumination

along these lines
it is worth remarking
upon an experience yesterday
I was walking around Lake Padden
under the dark grey skies
of the evening
the wind blowing strong
over the water and through the tall trees
there was an ominous quality
to the atmosphere
I was on the backside
in a gloomy part of the woods
that surround the lake
working on memory practice
the books of the old testament
I kept going over the last few books
and the associated mnemonics:

32.  Jonah   Jonah Made Ninevah Heed
33.  Micah
34.  Nahum
35.  Habakkuk
36.  Zephaniah  Zebras Have Zebra Mamas
37.  Haggai
38.  Zechariah
39.  Malachi

I was reciting the books
out loud
over and over
like an incantation
wrapping my tongue
around the odd names
on the side of the path
was a black
deep green creature
the size of a small man
with yellow eyes
snake fanged mouth
huddled down there
like an evil spring
with a terrible violence

the shock of this
sent adrenaline surging
through my body
all my hairs standing
instantly on end
as I jumped back
startled and ready
to flee for my life

all of this
in the time it took
to see this fiendish thing
out of the corner
of my eye
then shift to the center
where it became
a black rock
covered in green moss

I walked on
my breath taken away
glancing back
at the place where
I had seen this
evil creation
on the side of the path

for the remainder of the walk
I was rattled
keeping close watch
on the dark shadows
in the woods
and behind the trunks
of the huge trees
moaning in the wind
my thoughts were infected
with an almost
theological fear
and the words of Job
kept whispering
to me
over and over:

Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said,
Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?

the rest of the day
counter to my usual practice
I tried to not remember
the fear that had possessed me
but it remained
like a shock in my bones
in the way that a huge bulldozer
working steadily to move tons of soil
from around an ancient structure
has many of its bolts and screws
loosened by a sudden impact
with an immovable object
something enormous
some wretched
and terrible thing
having been
finally uncovered