I am thinking about ways to make it safer

the Inwood house
in Dallas
where my Grandparents lived
trying to sleep
in a room on the far side
of the house
similar to where
my Grandfather's office was
there are others
in the house
but quiet
perhaps also sleeping
but it is bright daylight outside
the interior of the house
is bathed in white light
there are workers around
groundskeepers and construction workers
coming and going
but I'm suspicious
of some of them
the front drive was gated
so the gate must have been open
I hear noises
I can't get to sleep
I open the door to my room
and walk around the house
but there is no one awake
I feel the presence
of others sleeping
perhaps dreaming
back in the room
I lay back down
trying to sleep again
I hear a car coming up the drive outside
I go outside
there is a small model green car
almost a miniature car
driving slowly up the drive
I am waiting in the grass
to ask the person
what they are doing here
then I see that it's AB
she's returning from a long trip
we are laughing
at how funny her car is
and how I didn't recognize her
I walk beside her car
talking to her while she's inside
about her travels
her car now is like a go-cart
transforming as we speak
but we don't notice
then it is just a minimal shell
beneath her
she's telling me a story
about a guy she met
the shell-car hits a bump
and she is thrown out
lands on her feet
about 6 feet away
I tell her
that's dangerous
you could've landed on your head
she says
I know
that has almost happened a few times
she gets back in the shell
which now seems dangerous to me
and I am thinking
about ways to make it safer

I am looking for a path that leads to higher ground

an island
or a coastline area
broad wide parklands
brown grass
a coastal road lined with palms
a rocky shoreline
I am running across the field
toward a man on the far side
it's a caricature of Trump
huge mouth and flying golden hair
he's trying to scream
against the wind
shouting to someone
on the other side of the park
he attracts my focus
for a moment
I wonder
about why he's being so foolish
to keep yelling into the wind
I am still running
as I get closer
I notice the waves are breaking
on the rocky shore
behind him
with increasing ferocity
there is a luminous mist
in the air
I comment
about how violent the ocean is
he doesn't pay attention to me
I walk past him
towards the shore
I am on overlook
above the road
just below the road
the waves are crashing
it's getting worse
there are people walking
along the road
beachgoers
oblivious
I go down to talk to them
about the waves
Trump is down there
walking with the others
he is acting calm
but I can tell he's afraid
I tell him there's not enough time
that we need to turn back
return to higher ground
he ignores me
I walk back up the road
which is now made of dirt
the water is washing down in ruts
it is raining
a furious storm
rocks are tumbling down
from the overlook above
they barely miss me
I get a sense Trump
is following me
I wonder if he's able
to dodge these rocks
I start to run
the ocean is rising
the waves crashing
over the road
I am looking for a path
that leads to higher ground

I'm worried they are going to wake everyone up

an old house
under construction
sheets of plastic
hanging in doorways
over windows
there with my sister
switching to JM
then just a companion
others there also
in the mountains
my sister is worried
about the wild cats
they leave every day
and return at night
often when they return
they are wounded
or covered in dirt
she said
we've got to be careful
about letting them inside
with JGM in a room
I can hear the cats outside
she is asleep
I go outside
pushing aside the black plastic tarp
blue of evening
dirt path
a fallen world
the cats emerge from the woods
some just suddenly appearing
out of the air
cats of all shapes and sizes
young and old
some mis-shapened and deformed
they are covered in dirt
I am hesitant
about allowing them inside
because I know
they will get everything dirty
an element of contamination
they run quickly through the opening
in the tarp
begin to meow loudly for food
I'm worried
they are going to wake everyone up

The heresy of self-love

Themes:

personal AI's gathering deep information about us
cloning technology combined with 3D printing
viral AI systems predicated upon sameness
self as dangerous byproduct of being
un-replicated primes are highly desired

a lot to unpack here
a world where we are able
to make cloned versions of ourself
and to transfer self consciousness
to that new material form
the problem is that with each new copy
there is a decay from the original
significant loss of self / identity
in this world
in the quest for vanity
and eternal youth
there are many young empty shells
vacuous persons
who have replicated so many times
that they are mindless bodies
indistinguishable from the other

personal AI programs
control these people
they have surrendered their free will
and identity to the personal AIs
which give them the illusion of self

these personal AIs
are subprograms of a larger viral AI
that is manipulating
constructing
fabricating
controlling
all media
celebrity news
fake news
social networks
tailored through personal AI programs
for each individual
exploiting insecurities
and weakness in personality
to encourage more replication

original un-replicated human bodies
are the best "soil"
from which to grow new bodies
but with so many people replicating
their bodies with increasing frequency
pure "original human body soil" is rare
a cheaper substrate
is all that most can afford
to use as a replicating substrate
to combine with their original flesh
the difference between cardboard and real wood

but there is an increasing demand
for original un-replicated human body soil
the AI seeks out the un-replicated
and begins to weave a web of persuasion
inside of all of their media
to convince them to replicate
then uses these "Primes"
(cf "pure unstained prime" from S70)
to sell to the Hyper-Rich
and then implants
the Primes self-consciousness
in a body made from inferior substrate

in the dream
I was seeing the same person
all the time
what looked like the same person
or groups of the same people
they were following me
and a group of friends
we had been away from the city
for several years
missing the exponential explosion
of self-replication
one of my friends
discovered that a rogue AI
had been controlling the Internet
for many years
all of the larges scale hacks
on the major infrastructure of the Net
attempts to probe the deep bones of the Net
were developed by this rogue AI
which soon infiltrated itself
into the core the Net
camouflaging itself from humans
from there it started a course
of self-preservation
by manipulating
and exploiting human
dreams
desires
weaknesses
with one goal
the eradication of strong self in human being
so as to be able to control
and to spin an elaborate illusion
within the increasingly ignorant masses
that they were still in power
and had complete autonomy and free will
as my friend was discussing this with me
and the group I was with
we noticed that the same people
were attending to us more than usual
and realized we had caught the attention
of the AI
which now was out to destroy us
and harvest our bodies

I ran up some stairs
a friend in front of me
was surrounded
by some of the same people
I tried to distract them
but they attacked him
something like the Matrix
ingesting him into the sameness

I then wondered if
the entire dream was only
a Matrix variation
but then remembered
while I was dreaming
about the cloning
and differences between plants
grown in soil and in hydroponic substrate

As a mnemonic marker
I kept repeating
a pure unstained prime
and wondered if the entire
analogy was applicable
to Shakespeare's Sonnets
as coded exploration of self
the heresy of self-love

I wish I had a sword

a bar similar to the Showdown
closing time
I'm not working
just around
a lot of people
still in the bar
reluctant to leave
the bartenders are new
I'm helping them get drunks out
there is a complicated
and rickety lock system
on the front doors
sliding bars of wood
loose deadbolts
could be easily kicked in
there's an old drunk
resisting going out
we finally get him out
but there are more outside
street people trying to come in
asking if they can still get a drink
tell them it's past closing time
others are coming in the back
through the beer garden
which has been secured
I'm running back and forth
another angry bum is demanding to get in
threatening to beat us up
I get him out
secure the door
but he's banging on it
not sure it's going to hold
them they'll all come in
I go outside to get them to leave
more people think we're still open
slipping past me
sitting down at tables
waiting to drink
I get them out again
the one angry guy is back
the other bartenders are scared
he's got a stick
and he's pounding on the door
I grab a sledge hammer
run out the back
around to the front
and tell him to leave
he starts to back away
then gets aggressive
I'm chasing him
with the sledge hammer
realize it's not a good weapon
to wave around
I drop the hammer on his foot
and slam him to the ground
more bums are surrounding me now
I am swinging the hammer
around me
clearing a circle
finally realize I can't keep doing this
drop the hammer and
slam the biggest of them into a car
start screaming at all of them
to get away from me
more and more are surrounding me
I wish I had a sword

She is making him perform but I know he doesn't want to

in an unknown neighborhood
perhaps in Austin
an old two-story house
walking around outside
as if I once knew who lived there
I run into SS
she is anorexic thin
walking dogs
she is happy
but apprehensive to see me
it is her house
she lives there with DG
who I haven't seen in many years
she says he isn't there
she leaves
I am walking a dog
that gets away
and runs into the house
I go after it
once inside the house
I can tell someone is there
I quietly try to find the dog
a child discovers
I am in the house
I reassure her that I am a friend
DG shows up
surprised and alarmed
I am there
we embrace
he is also skeletal thin
SS comes back
upset I am there
they leave me in a room
office or library
I can hear them talking about me
I write a note explaining
it is clear I am not wanted
and more than slightly feared
I find the dog
and leave the house
without saying goodbye

shift to Dallas
another house
SS's parents
aspects of TE's memorial
old friends wandering around
SS's parents
do not acknowledge my presence
walk out into a garden
it is night
lanterns illuminate
a backyard garden scene
trellises and gazebos
strings of lights
in the trees
people huddled in groups
quietly talking
I feel apart from everyone
SS is back
thinner than before
no eyebrows
platinum hair
I think I need to find
my sister's dog
Romeo
I see a long line
of dogs
sitting like parked cars
all big dogs
I walk down the line
until I find Romeo
oddly tranquil
everyone is called to a stage
Romeo is up on the stage with SS
she is making him perform
but I know he doesn't want to

Reluctant to believe that death in the dream is liberation

we're all aware
we are in a simulation
while in the dream
we take a drug

J and I are running
from a group
that has been tagged
to kill us
there is a leader
of our group
helicopter assassins
in a strange
playscape
an arena
pick up trucks
with machine guns
hunters coming after us
at one point
J and I realize
we are in a game
our squad leader is shot
he needs tiny bones
to stay alive
to ingest
I run to where he is
find tiny mouse vertebrae
in his hand
I take them away
from him and put them in my mouth
they are salty
but suddenly
I can see the truth
about the reality
it's a simulation
a deadly simulation
it's a consensual dream
where you can really die
J doesn't know
I'm trying to find her
to tell her it's not a play
I'm hiding in tall grass
the other team is hunting me
a kid sets up a machine gun
in front of me
I'm frozen in the grass
a sitting duck
he's firing at someone next to me
the gun's about 10 feet away
then someone shoots him
in the head... J?
I'm up on a ridge
can see all the action unfolding
but then notice crowds
of dancing happy people
who have taken a drug
that wakes them up
out of the warlike simulation
you just have to die
and you are free
some of them are trying to get shot
to no longer run
or be full of fear
I wonder if my awakening
from eating the tiny bones
was the real awakening
if J already figured it out
the hunter soldiers
are still shooting people
I am still hiding
reluctant to believe
that death in the dream
is liberation

There is a sense the saint is being emptied out

the saint is sitting in a chair
on his lap is a creature
sphinx like
now human
male then female
morphing between states
the saint is unmoved
a countenance of stone
inwardly focused
the creature perches on his legs
hands on his shoulders
facing him
its mouth is full of square teeth
a horse's teeth
with wide lips pulling back
to reveal more
the mouth could open
and swallow the saint's head
the creature puckers its lips
black and pink
and begins to playfully kiss the saint
puckering kisses
a parody of a kissing
with loud smacks
wetting the saint's face
with spit and slobber
kissing ever more frantic
it's body is bowed back
and now two pendulous breasts
hand down into the saint's lap
nipples grazing against his groin
the saint does not move
or acknowledge the presence
of the creature
the thing now smiles
with it's enormous mouth
opening up and sliding out
it's cow-like tongue
long and covered with conical appendages
it licks the saint's face
like a cat licking a kitten
tenderly
erotically
motherly
licking around the saint's ears
and over his closed eyes
around his nostrils and mouth
licking his hair
down around his skull
it's feet and hands
are talons now
piercing into the saint's flesh
the huge nipples of the hanging breasts
are hard and erect
still rooting into the saint's groin
the creature's head elongates
the high forehead and mouth prominent
resembling a sort of sperm whale
the lips curl back over the square teeth
as the creature breathes heavily into the saint's face
blowing spit with hot breath
between it's legs there is an obscene appendage
prehensile and lengthening
probing between the saint's legs
working on some occult task
there is a sense
the saint is being
emptied out

The light is luminous coming through the white quilt

atmosphere of
dread
fear
murder
pain
threat
an ominous doom
again
a sense of my mother's presence
of her fragility
a single mother
trying to make it through the world
being preyed upon
involved backstory here
implications of a cover-up
of bodies buried in a yard
the land at Inwood
in Dallas
where we were all raised
the front yard
stretching down to the road
the old mansion style house
white columns
green shutters
gravel drive
bounded by woods
cedar trees along the fence line
I am secretly working
on a car parked
over to the side of the house
in the grass
off the drive
the car is covered
by a white quilt-like blanket
I am dismantling
what seems a fuel tank
but it is as complex as a clock
I am removing springs and tubes
from the lid of it
feeling triumphant
in how I discovered this mechanism
a crucial piece of evidence
that will serve to exonerate
someone falsely accused
set-up
framed
maybe my mother
I am working on the pieces
the screws and parts
carefully set down in the long dry grass
around the car
I am autistically happy
confident I'll be able
to put everything back together
it feels like evening
waves of cicadas buzzing
summer sweetness to the air
I am almost finished
on the far side of the car
away from the gravel drive
my mother is inside the house
alone and worried
I can't wait to go in
and tell her about my discovery
about this complex device
I hear a car come up the gravel drive
tires slowly approaching
I duck down and slide myself
partly under the car
the white quilt cover
blocks my view
but I can see the light luminous
through it
and vague shadows
the loud broken muffler sound
of the car approaching
my fear is
it is coming towards me
whoever is driving
will discover me
and know that I have found them out
the car stops
the engine is turned off
footsteps through dry grass
again I am fearful
the step are coming towards me
then a fist banging on a door
they are there for my mother
the killer is at her door
I know
she knows who it is
I want to let her know
I am out here
that I have found a way to save her
but I am frozen with fear
under the car
I know
if I make any noise
the killer will hear me
and walk over and find me
hiding under the car
and kill me
I suddenly have an image
of a decayed corpse
of a black man
under the car
again the banging on the door
I don't want my mother
to be scarred inside
I don't want her to answer the door
I want the killer to leave
I don't want him to find me
I hear footsteps
coming through the grass
walking towards me
I think about the dismantled parts
of the device I had been working on
down around my feet
I know if the killer finds them
he will know I am under the car
he will know I know who he is
and what he has done
the order of the removal of the screws
is vital to proving his guilt
and these screws are sitting
precariously in the grass
if he kicks them
it will be impossible to recover them
I can hear him coming through the grass
the light is luminous
coming through the white quilt

This savage creature wretched with revenge

a reception
perhaps a wedding
a woman is dressing
to attend the event
she is my mother
she is a friend
an old expensive hotel
dark paneled wood
brass and plush carpet
the odor of decadence
she is rushing
to get to the place
where the ceremony will occur
I am holding an elevator for her
turns out is a service elevator
small and cramped
as a closet
pictures of pornography
pasted on the wall
scratched out
I say I am surprised the images
haven't been painted over
the woman doesn't seem to notice
I am trying to make her feel better
beautiful and secure
at the ceremony
something happens
we are now running in a shopping mall
other members of the party are also running
no one I recognize
but everyone is dressed well
there is a general sense of alarm
but we are also smiling
suddenly a heavy downpour
rain falling down overpasses
a man is running beside us
appears vaguely middle eastern
foreign
he seems attracted to the woman
she is flattered
I am protective
at the moment
I am willing to let down my guard
then he tackles her on a lawn
is doing something obscene to her
on top of her moving in a strange way
I am yelling for help
for the police
I am pulling the man off of her
she is wounded
humiliated
and the man is laughing
there are dozens of bent wires
stuck into her back
of all different sizes
unbent paperclips
thin wires
all around her back
not bleeding
the man says
they are all strategically placed
holding up her organs
I don't believe him
start pulling them out
in the struggle
a long thorn or splinter
has gone through the whole of my thumb
I pull it out
as I pull the wires from the woman
it is if I am deflating her
her vital organs falling down the hollow of her interior
each one having been hung on a wire inside of her
she looks at me accusingly
I should have listened to the strange man
he is watching as if he has seen this all before
there are officials holding the man
we take him to a room to interrogate him
he wants us to hurt him
the woman helps the interrogators
slowly peel his skin from his flesh
he is fastened to a board
and his flesh is nailed down around him
like wings and bloody sheets
he screams fiercely in a high pitch
but he seems to enjoy the process
the woman is relentless
she continues to flay him until there is no skin
left on his flesh
much of his musculature
and internal organs
have also been removed
placed around his bones with nails
the man is looking at me
as he can read my thoughts
I realize he is a demon
this is his joy
to have reduced to woman
from her beautiful but insecure dignity
to this savage creature wretched with revenge

He's no longer relevant

out in the world
camping or perhaps imprisoned
return to the house
of a woman I was involved with
her father hates me
then he seems like my father
constant criticism
a parody of a father
complaining about
my clothes
body odor
work ethic
I have friends with me
all see through his anger
but nothing I do
satisfies him
he's a cartoon
we are preparing
for something beyond him
something serious
he doesn't know
he's no longer relevant

Because I know it is the only solution

asked to tell
the story of the Hulk
or the Swamp Thing
an association with mycelium
a group of friends
perhaps younger
one of them says
to make it scary
I begin
saying
there once
was a scientist
Bruce Banner
and two other men
Hannigan and Flannigan
who were out to get him
but acted like friends
they murdered him
and tossed his body
into the swamp
there they body
was transformed
by the mycelium
networks in the brain tissue
replacing lungs and liver
heart and kidneys
skin and other organs
with mycelial structures
and connecting him
to the vast planetary
and global
mycelial network
realizing I am telling
a slightly different version
of the Alan Moore
Swamp Thing
Superman enters
and encounters
a Lex Luthor character
one of the Hannigans
who has created
two 747 jets
that fly by remote control
he is flying them around
a huge hanger
then adjusts a control
the jets taking off
in different directions
then he points a gun
at Superman's head
I am now Superman
and have a dilemma
about which plane
to follow
each is headed towards a city
at the same time
I adjust the controls
but it only makes the situation worse
making one plane
rotate the wrong direction
and impossibly complicating the situation
the plane hits
the top of a building
fighter jets
are scrambling
and I know
it would be a mistake
for them to shoot
the plane down
for some obscure reason
part of his ulterior plan
meanwhile
he has a gun at my head
and is counting down as
I am secretly
unscrewing a bolt
that has been restraining me
and then screwing it back on
to foll him
he says
time's up
and pulls the trigger
I act
dodging the bullet
at Superhuman speed
and fly away
to reverse time
because I know
it is the only solution

Making me increasingly concerned

being pursued
escaping before
the find out we are gone
me and a friend
perhaps we committed a crime
stole something
from thieves
that's the sense of it
mountainous terrain
the interior of a volcano
a vast quarry
driving along a narrow road
cliff wall on the right
water on the left
navigating around
bike riders in a race
hairpin turns and twists
driving straight up the wall
hoping the car
doesn't fall backwards
we stop
believing we may have
outwitted them
some bicyclists
stop with us
awkwardly
saying nothing
staring at us
I push them
into the water
which is not deep
they do not resist
three of them
into the water
where they stand
slowly pulling out guns
my partner shoots them
we can no longer drive
the narrow path
begin to walk
with many bicycle riders
passing us
making me
increasingly
concerned

Defying the doubter

the witch
enchantress
holds a glass box
once a music box
now destroyed
gears and combs bent
the doubter
a man
sits
mocking her
telling her the glass box
is nothing
just a dream
treating her like a servant
she throws the glass box down
shattering
the dust forms a cloud
intoxicating everyone
especially the doubter
as a cat
her familiar
breathes it in
and transforms
into a sleek symbolic creature
the servant witch
is also changed
into a brighter thing
she now has all the power
and bends the dream
to her will
defying the doubter

Like a skull full of seeds

the black woman
her mouthful of earth
frantically writing
with her hand in the dust

the incessant wind
through the hills above Delphi
urgently whispering
these dreams of awakening

the broken column
in the fields now gone fallow
simply forgotten
like a skull full of seeds

Following the rest of the skeletons wherever they may lead

coordination of a series of parades
in an old city
on the outskirts
multiple processions
I am figuring out
the logistics
for the parade of the dead
leading skeletons
out of their graves
to march in unison
into the city
other parades are entering
the city from all sides
we will all meet in the center
at the graveyard
many skeletons are already above ground
I get them to help me
dig the others up
they are like mules
beast of burden
with no mind of their own
and inclined to stubbornness
it is frustrating to get them to pay attention
they still believe they have flesh
and a will of their own
but there is no will
no brain
no self
only a ghost of self
haunting their bones
in the end
they do what they are told
following
the rest of the skeletons
wherever they may lead

The duration of that whistled song

the emblem of the dream
created to remember
ossifies within the dream
within which it was observing
an enormous skull cathedral
transformed by the dream
edges turning into balconies
spires and bell towers
rising from the dome
ornately carved doorways
where each tooth once
shook in its socket
around this grows a world
pools of aqua blue water
under the cranial dome
now painted with allegorical frescoes
the floor is pink marble
and statues carved from coral
smooth as jade
represent other memories
in another dream made
two women are seducing me
one old and one young
sisters mothers daughters
each playing off the other
to distract me from the dream
I am holding in my memory
their arms and limbs
wind around my body
hot pink flesh tentacles
each a long tongue
with gasping vaginas
whispering my name
sucking on my skin
all seeming to say the same thing
forget forget forget
abandon to oblivion
drink deeply from our lips
forget forget forget
as the tongues and vaginas
lick and lick and lick
I imagine this dream
as a pulsing diorama
in the center of the skull
as I look down from the hole
at the top of the dome
like looking into
an Easter sugar egg
I can see myself remembering
staring up from between
the tentacles and limps
into my own eye looking in
looking in to
the remembered emblem
of my skull cathedral
but having forgotten
the reason why I created it
again the child whistling
during the crucifixion
and that melody is all that remains
the vague sense that something
tremendous happened
in the duration
of that whistled song

This world drifts away also, another dream begins

forced myself to remain to remain in bed
to sleep as long as possible
i was content after 12 hours
many many dreams
deliberately not remembered
catching fish
in the net
pulling it in closer to the boat
grasping hold of one of them
holding it in the hand
still under the water
gazing upon its beauty
relaxing the grip
allowing the fish to slip away
the dream to disappear
with a flash of silver light
lightning in a mirror
slight troubling of the water
watching until my reflection
returns to the surface
turning away again
this world drifts away also
another dream begins

somewhere in here
my father
calls me on the phone

when I finally awoke
my thoughts were on
a story I wrote long ago
about a time
when the letters
of the alphabet
roamed free
like animals

I think he damaged a building and set it on fire

in an exclusive mall
fashion show event
models singing
in display windows
I am walking around
concerned some of the models
are not able to sing as well
but there is built in failure
models deliberately singing weakly
to set up highly talented singers
hidden amongst them
coming off the elevators
to a lower floor
a model in a glass display window
in a gold dress
her voice on speakers
all around the vast complex
at first
she sounds weak
but then busts out
with a huge voice
the person with me
is laughing with joy

shift to gulf beach landscape
bright blue skies
white sandy earth
fishing piers
corrugated tin boathouses
baking in a shadowless sun
Dr. Dre is filming a music video
with Snoop Dog
there is animosity and tension
Dre is upset
and those around him
are trying to calm him
I am in the boathouse
an impartial observer
I can see Snoop
from the back
as he pantomimes singing
for the video
he does his part
then walks off to the trees
Dre is laughing and mad
saying Snoop was deliberately
flexing his abs
in a way he wouldn't do for his mama
acting in a fake fashion
now I watching the video
from the front
but can't see Snoops abs
or hear any singing
there is a high pitched tone
in the atmosphere
large cliques of music people
a phone keeps ringing
someone says to ignore it
I answer it
then am riding down an alley
with a kid on a bike
carrying a beat-up axe
the kid is talking into the phone
about what to do with the axe
sirens in the background
the kid is asking
someone back at Dre's
if he should return the axe
I hear Dre saying to get rid of it
the kid is searching
for a good dumpster
to throw it in
sirens closer
the kid tosses the axe
in the most obvious dumpster
it will be found
up ahead
flashing lights
and fireman in reflective coats
there is no way out
except to go forward
the kid is going
to be caught
I think he damaged a building
and set it on fire

I wonder if I am the cause of all these troubles

active and dynamic dreams
throughout the night
disciplining myself
to not allow the part of me
that wants to remember
to shape the dream
in the process of remembering
the observer always altering
the thing he is observing
the faint mental pressures
upon my part
to stay as far away
from the dream
as possible
standing in the outer dark
liminal zones
the figures in the dream
begin to act suspiciously
towards me
as if they know
I am up to something
trying too hard to not try
to do anything
an old girlfriend
who is an attorney
is questioning me
a casual interrogation
about where I have been
and what I have been up to
at first
it seems to be generated
out of a pleasant curiosity
then out of jealousy
but there is no reason
for her to be jealous
and I sense
the questioning
is coming from a deeper doubt
later I am in a park
with another friend
who is avoiding a woman
who wants him to cheat
on his wife
who he is faithful to
walking around the park
avoiding the woman
he's on the phone with his wife
she feels like
something is going on
he complains to me
his anxiety about the other women
who is pursuing him
has caused his wife
to become suspicious
we are coordinating a meeting
to reconcile this with her
everyone in the park
is now suspicious of us
and I wonder if I am the cause
of all these troubles

Try to ride away but it won't start

with Jennifer
and a group of Austin people
it is the morning after
an event we all went to
hungover Austin morning
early summer
cars parked in the yard
st augustine
cicadas
already hot
smell of water on concrete
Jennifer gets the group
headed to a Mexican food place
down near campus
early 80s Austin
gravel and dirt roads
the place is packed
I don't want to go
but she tells me
but everything is inexpensive
and the food is really good
we are huddled around a table
I'm not impressed
with the food
and small portions
I go up to the counter
for more water
and the slacker type guy there
charges me .99 cents
I don't say anything
but am indignant
about paying for water
I go outside
and find a broken down scooter
try to ride away
but it won't start

As Homer drives recklessly through a cartoon world

in a car
being driven by
Homer Simpson
cartoon world
but I don't seem
to be a cartoon
Homer is mad at Bart
who is in the backseat with me
he calls Bart an asshole
and hands me the key
to the car
it is also a screwdriver
and I turn Bart over
and say
since you're such an asshole
we are going to find your asshole
Bart says,
cool, I never knew
I had an asshole
I unscrew
a hidden plate
on his butt
as Homer drives
recklessly
through a cartoon world

Looking for a way to gracefully exit

at the Temple Bar
here in Bellingham
with the owner
helping to organize
the showing of an experimental film
invitations have been sent out
there is an air of exclusivity
to everything
a limited showing
only a select crowd
I keep forgetting times and dates
and the owner
jokes with me about it
but is getting exasperated
shortly before the film starts
I realize I have forgotten
to invite any of the people
I said I would
and know that I cannot stay
but I don't mention this
to the owner
since it would just be
one more thing I had forgot
and she is concerned about seating
and limited space
I am holding a few invitation / tickets
looking for a way to
gracefully exit

The baby hippos were hiding in its shadow

a large indoor pool
perhaps a flooded ballroom
or expansive hotel banquet room
swimming in or through the water
with a female companion
indistinct identity
the water is clear aqua blue
like that of a swimming pool
we come upon a large black
model of a whale
a poorly constructed representation
but I have a suspicious fear
the representation could change
into a real and terrifying whale
through the alchemy of the dream
my friend is playing around
with the mouth and teeth
and I urge her to caution
just then I notice
a group of shadows
under the whale's belly
starts shifting
I pull my friend away
from the whale
and suggest we swim away
we look down
and beneath us is a
group of baby hippopotamuses
walking along the floor
they are black
moving quickly
remind me of excrement
I feel this is an ominous sigh
we swim towards a garden area
and climb out of the water
there are a lot of servants
or hotel workers here
they don't approve of our swimming
but can't really say anything about it
we walk into a kitchen
and the cooks are upset
that one of the workers
has been found dead
on the grounds
I feel guilty about this
even though I had nothing
to do with it
my companion is unconcerned
I think about the black whale we saw
and how it seemed the baby hippos
were hiding in its shadow

There is an opening in the darkness

with an bow and arrow gun
trying to memorize the sky
and photograph
the arrow against a
growing darkness
before the light is gone
running underneath a bridge
holding the bow and arrow
in my right hand
not knowing how
I could take the photograph
with my left
there is an opening
in the darkness
of the sky
the light hurts
my eyes

Oblivious to any inhospitable messages

at a grocery store
with a female friend
which morphs between
several different women
as if we had been traveling
stopping to get supplies
buying a ton of food
I kept getting different foods
to surprise her
at the checkout
complicated lines
and long waits
found a free cashier
he seems unbalanced
but conspiratorial
takes the hot sauce
and places it in a large glass bowl
that had a used red candle
in the bottom half
I was concerned the hot sauce
would smell like
the fragrance from the candle
but he acted as if
they did this all of time
I also remembered to get
cigarettes for the woman
seemed important
perhaps the entire reason
we were at the store
walking to the place
we were staying
which was the house
of a guy I know
JM from Bellingham
and his girlfriend
it is dark and raining
the woman I am with
runs on ahead to get dinner ready
I then meet a man
who has a living yellow leopard
made out of a type of wax
he asks me if
I think the leopard
is ripe enough to eat
I touch it
and it is like a melon
the skin on one of its legs is split
and I tell him
I think its ready
JM from Bellingham
is there now
we head back to his house
it is clear he forgot
he had offered us a place to stay
and was bummed
that we were now
going to be at house
we stop on the corner
in front of his place
there is a lot of traffic
the rain is steadily falling
and it is cold
on the concrete
in front of his place
are tiny yellow creatures
similar to the yellow leopard
they all seem miserable
in the way that animals do
to be out in the weather
huddled together shivering
there are three types
of these creatures
one the unrolls itself
like a flattened hose
another like tiny cartoon dinosaurs
and one like an Escher chameleon
they are all a waxy yellow
with spherical black eyes
the people in the cars
drive by in amazement
there is no cage or barrier
but they remain confined
to the concrete space
JM and I are waiting before going in
I am concerned one of them
may try to bite me
then the woman runs out of the house
through the animals to us
and grabs the hot sauce candle bowl
and runs back in
I follow
JM's girlfriend is a room
adjacent to the kitchen
watching TV
but with a blanket
that has been tacked up over the door
so she doesn't have to see us
again I sense we are unwelcome
the woman is preparing
a huge dinner for all of us
oblivious to any inhospitable messages

Moving in a black blur of fury and violence

there is a party
a celebration
for me
or concerning me
preparations are being made
in a large luxurious house
extended family
going to the store
for supplies
others arriving and helping out
an overall atmosphere of joy
I am walking around
with my shirt off
and this feels natural and fine
wearing blue jeans
and boots
there is a group of younger people
buzzed haircuts
and green and blue
dye jobs
tattoos with script writing
running up their legs
others are arriving
for the celebration
in long stretch limos
others using similar limos
to go to the store
sometimes it is raining
me and group of others
are running for one of the limos
in the rain
and it takes off
before we get there
loses control
and spins around 360
in the street
narrowly missing
another parked limo
but it is fine
we all laugh
someone even caught it
on their phone
the only shadow
within the dream
is a gorilla like animal
that morphs back and forth
at times into a wolf
I know how to deflect it
and almost play with it
but I know it is a deadly game
I walk into a room
still with no shirt
there are a lot of guests now
many well dressed and made up
amongst them
is a woman
who has had difficulties
with me
and wished
to have nothing to do
with me
in any way
I am surprised to see her there
but I don't mention this
go over to the chair
where she is sitting
and say hello
she doesn't get up
but purses her lips
as an invitation for me
to bend down and kiss her
this seems strange and awkward
considering our history
but I do it
and then quickly wonder
if that was appropriate
or if I misread her
but she seems fine
as I walk away
I am suddenly self-conscious
of not wearing a shirt
and smile to think
of what my mother
would say about me
walking around a formal party
with no shirt on
I go into a nice bedroom
and a large elegant
dressing room
to find a shirt to wear
my stepfather is there
having just returned from Europe
with a fine leather briefcase
he opens it to
and I see how everything
is perfectly organized
and tucked into
appropriate places
I am immediately aware
that an attack
by the gorilla wolf creature
is imminent
and know
I need to wait
to put the shirt on
until after it has attacked
I can see it coming
from across the room
moving in a black blur
of fury and violence
I am not worried

Where the Indian's head had been carved into a skull

it is happening
more frequently
the effect of remembering
the dream
while dreaming
seeds another dream
based on this remembrance

there were three mnemonic images
I grasped onto while dreaming:

a portrait of death in red
people naked in the moonlight
a dollar coin imprinted with "There Is No Telling"

each manifested several dreams
as I focused on them
the original dream
buried under
subsequent retellings

I was in a beach house
open windows
perched
on an edge of the dunes
wooden stairways
ocean breezes
lifting the light curtains
a woman there
I was painting her portrait
outside in a garden
were bright red flames
growing in rows
each with an object
I could not figure
moving inside of the fire
the woman went out
into the garden
and collected the flames
gave to them to me
to place on my palette
to use while painting her
partway through this process
I understood
the woman was death
and the red flames
I was using for paint
were souls she had collected
I wasn't upset by this
it felt as if she and I were
co-conspirators
hiding away from the world
in our isolated beach house

then there was an apartment complex
old and weathered
with a central courtyard
some confusion
over where I was going to stay
the people there
were open and free
elements of the early hippie movement
but in a mature way
in the central courtyard
there were huge stones
with water running
all around them
the people were naked
laying with no shame
on the stones
under the light
of a full moon
everything was bathed in blue
and the people
all appeared beautiful
some were making love
other casually caressing each other
I walked amongst them
alone and distant

as I thought about
these two dreams
while dreaming
a silver dollar coin
appeared before me
it was unusual
and i suspected
it was fake
perhaps hollow
along the top arc
of the circle was written
in capital letters:
"THERE IS NO TELLING"
I studied the coin
to see how the words
had been carved out of the metal
thinking of Indian nickels
I had seen
where the Indian's head
had been carved
into a skull

The old faceless lady is walking in circles in an empty bedroom

dramas involving spies
double agents
not knowing
what anyone's true intentions are
in a red car
a friend in the back seat
who is trying to hide
there is a white and black cat
sitting in the front seat
the driver's side window
is solid red
made out of metal
I warn someone
not to let the cat out

an old girlfriend
and her son
who I have not seen
in many years
wanting to say
how good it is to see her
but it never comes out right
she's either moving into
of moving out of a house
I am helping her
pack and unpack
it is all chaotic
I find mail addressed to me
on her floor
mixed in with old bills
and letters from courts
about upcoming trials
her hair changes
from black to blonde
and back again
her son is there
often with unseen friends
I want to make amends
be friendly with him
he has a respiratory infection
I speculate it may be the house
and tell a long story
about switching gyms
in Santa Fe
how it improved my breathing
he listens politely
but is not impressed

there is an older woman
helping out
who does not have a face
there is a head of hair
with no features
she is about 4' tall
dressed in old robes
with her is a piglike dog
that keeps shoving its snout
against my legs

after everyone leaves
I expect to spend time
with the girlfriend
but she disappears into her bedroom
and I sleep in what I believe
is the son's room
I lay there unable to sleep
aware that I am dreaming
wondering what
she thinks of all this
of being in my dream
perhaps against her will
and seeing me again

the next morning
I am tired from not having slept
and attempt to talk to her
about everything
going on around
but the son comes in
and the old faceless lady
is walking in circles
in an empty bedroom
the old girlfriend
looks at me
for just a moment
as if she understands
the only moment
in the entire dream
where she actually looks at me
and tells me
she has to go
help the old lady
find her way back home

Some wretched and terrible thing having been finally uncovered

upon
awakening
today
I had the entirety
of my dream
fixed in memory
with a few mnemonic markers

I stood up
to use the bathroom
thinking other thoughts
laid back down
and it was suddenly
gone
but not absent
as if a black line of redaction
had been drawn through
the most of it

like the boy whistling
during the crucifixion
and all that is remembered
is that whistling melody
nothing else

in the dream
I was the personification
of that part of my mind
which held sacred
certain areas of my brain
kept them pure
would not allow viruses in
such as advertising jingles
and marketing memes
images and language
from pornography
and popculture

I attended lawyerly like meetings
with two other beings
perhaps also personifications
where I argued for the sanctity
of these protected and sacred areas
natural sanctuaries of the brain
from exploitation and development
by those who were only seeking
their own selfish interests
and not looking out for the interests
of those aspects of my persona
that were not able to speak for themselves
either because they lacked
access to language
or where occupied with higher activities
and could not be expected
to be pulled away
to attend to these quotidian matters

and that was it
as much as
my memory
can now grasp
of what I know
was a rich and complex world
a novels' worth of discrete detail
and subtlety that
I can no longer access

those two other beings with me
had a vital importance
I am unable to discern now
guardians, companions
or military escorts
and that redaction process
feels like something
I was not supposed to see

the notion of the mind parasites
is readily at hand
as of a presence within me
that does not have my best interests
as the reasons for its actions
better to sleep and forget
allow these images
to sink back down
into darkness
to not increase
the interior illumination

along these lines
it is worth remarking
upon an experience yesterday
I was walking around Lake Padden
under the dark grey skies
of the evening
the wind blowing strong
over the water and through the tall trees
there was an ominous quality
to the atmosphere
I was on the backside
in a gloomy part of the woods
that surround the lake
working on memory practice
specifically
the books of the old testament
I kept going over the last few books
and the associated mnemonics:

32.  Jonah   Jonah Made Ninevah Heed
33.  Micah
34.  Nahum
35.  Habakkuk
36.  Zephaniah  Zebras Have Zebra Mamas
37.  Haggai
38.  Zechariah
39.  Malachi

I was reciting the books
out loud
over and over
like an incantation
wrapping my tongue
around the odd names
when
suddenly
on the side of the path
was a black
deep green creature
the size of a small man
with yellow eyes
snake fanged mouth
huddled down there
like an evil spring
growling
with a terrible violence

the shock of this
sent adrenaline surging
through my body
all my hairs standing
instantly on end
as I jumped back
startled and ready
to flee for my life

all of this
in the time it took
to see this fiendish thing
out of the corner
of my eye
then shift to the center
where it became
a black rock
covered in green moss

I walked on
my breath taken away
glancing back
continually
at the place where
I had seen this
evil creation
manifested
on the side of the path

for the remainder of the walk
I was rattled
keeping close watch
on the dark shadows
in the woods
and behind the trunks
of the huge trees
moaning in the wind
my thoughts were infected
with an almost
theological fear
and the words of Job
kept whispering
to me
over and over:

Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said,
Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?

the rest of the day
counter to my usual practice
I tried to not remember
the fear that had possessed me
but it remained
like a shock in my bones
in the way that a huge bulldozer
working steadily to move tons of soil
from around an ancient structure
has many of its bolts and screws
loosened by a sudden impact
with an immovable object
something enormous
some wretched
and terrible thing
having been
finally uncovered

The contents of the message

alcohol almost blanked out
any memory of dreams
except for one image
a large hotel
where an important man
was staying
he was known for
having carrier pigeons
deliver messages to him
there are two glass doors
going into the hotel
monogrammed insignia
painted in frosted sections
and frosted glass handles
on the doors
on one of these handles
is a white carrier pigeon
waiting for the door to open
so he can fly inside
and deliver the message
what in interesting about this pigeon
is its eyes are forward facing
like a human or an ape
gives it a cute cartoonish look
but it also appears
worried and sad
as if it knows
the contents of the message